It's hard to make real changes in yourself when so much of your energy is going toward putting out fires. That doesn't mean life will always be that way for you, or that there's no value in having support through your crises and learning new ways of dealing with them.

It sounds like you're disheartened, discouraged and feeling a little hopeless things will change for you? I think 6 months is not long, that we all go through rough patches in our lives, and that it won't always be that way, although it may seem like it.

So sorry you're feeling down, Gerber. Gentle hugs, if okay.