It's been a while since I posted this. I've forgotten this topic and my account here until I stumbled on it today while looking for something in my email.

I'm fully cured I think. I'm not depressed anymore. I have no desire to die anymore. I'm not lonely anymore. I'm in a relationship. My studies are going well. I'm happy.

It's not just one thing that cured me, but just a combination of good events following each other in a short period of time.

I didn't like me psychiatric treatment and found insufficient answers there. I wanted to know what I was doing wrong in my life or what was wrong generally, so I could change that. The therapists told be that it was irrelevant to find out. So I still don't know precisely. But I did change almost everything that there was to change and therefore I also changed what was wrong. I moved to another city, another university, other people, other languages around me, doing internships, finding my true love by actively searching instead of waiting, taking care of myself, treating the OSAS that I found out I have. So many things changed and I can't believe how amazing life can be again. I never found the magic and universal solution. But I did get out of my psychiatric horror, by persistence and by taking risk of a total makeover of my life. I'm so glad to be alive to experience this. I never thought this was ever possible.

I sincerely hope that all of you will soon experience something similar. Change is possible. Life can be good.