What you are struggling with is very difficult indeed. What may help is to separate the issues. That might make it easier for you. Issue 1. Feeling your parents believe you are a failure. The list you have included marriage, career and kids. What other expectations did they have? Doctor? A very big house? Nobel Peace Prize? While I hope for the best for my daughter, I'm not going to banish her if she doesn't fulfill MY DREAMS for her. So, whose dreams? Yours or your parents dreams? On the other hand, are YOU disappointed you don't have kids and a career? Which leads sort of to issue 2. Sexual identity and relationships. Are you struggling with being gay or with being lonely? Relationships, whether straight or gay, are not always easy to start or maintain. But there's no reason to hate yourself if things aren't going as you would hope. No, my friend, don't buy into that you are being punished because of who you are. And if people like your parents want to harp on how disappointed they are in you, its they who really need help. So please, think about tackling each one of these issues separately. But most of all, know that you are not alone in your struggle. That's why we are all here. To help one another. Soon you will be encouraging others yourself as you discover new paths to happiness. Good luck and best wishes.