Hello sarow23: I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. I often have felt similarly. I wish there were something I could write here that would help. But there's probably not.

From my perspective, all true healing comes from within. I have seen a number of mental health professionals over the years. None of them did anything for me. (By the way, I have been to that dark place, more than once, you're considering going to.)

I hope that somehow you can find that calm center of deep peace that resides within each of us. It is the source of all true healing. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that it might be so...