* Actually, any guys who have been there, done that, your input is needed, too.

I am just recently waking up to the possibility that I am a "gender dysphoric" man. That means, simply, that I have internal feelings of being more like a woman than a man. Validating aspects of this have appeared in many forms since I was a child. I am not a cross dresser, transsexual, or gay. If I could have chosen my life, it would have been as a lesbian woman. (Yeah, I know. That would be another set of problems, but possibly better than what I have now.)

I have been married for almost 30 years and have 2 grown children. I have disclosed nothing of my gender dysphoria to anyone other than one highly trusted friend and my shrink, who is referring me to a therapist.

What I need help with knowing is how, where, when, if, etc any of my issues should be disclosed to my wife. We have lived with my repressing information for decades. It would not be very hard to simply withhold information now. I do not want to change. I do not want our relationship to change. It would be nice to be able to share my whole story, but not necessary.

This is a difficult issue. It seems to be much more complex than other relationship issue I have faced. It is a can of worms that can stay on the shelf, or opened expecting to find a pretty nasty mess that can not be put back the way it was. What I reveal about myself, to her, begs her to ask herself a lot of hard questions. I don't know if this is a fair thing to burden her with.

These are some of the things I can see her asking herself: Am I a lesbian? Is he really a husband? Have I been cheated of a normal sex life? Has our whole relationship been a lie? It could go on and on.

So, please help me brainstorm this issue. What would you think? Would you really want to know this about your husband? How would you deal with it? What do you think your future would be like?