Hello thunderbear: I'm so sorry for all of the misery both you & your husband have had to endure. I can't even imagine how this must feel. It is so sad that your friends called you selfish & a terrible person when you confided in them. I'm afraid I don't really have much to offer you here. Ultimately I believe, you must take care of yourself. It is certainly understandable that your husband would be emotionally distraught, under the circumstances. But he is also being verbally abusive, if not physically so. And he's refusing all help. To be completely honest, reading what you wrote, I fear for your safety, as well as your husband's. From the sound of it, though, you cannot save your husband from himself. Please do what you need to do to save yourself...