Ok, I know this is getting ridiculous, LOL.

I told him on his voicemail last night, that if calls back I can only answer my phone between 11 and 12:30 today, due to running group therapy and such. So just as I'm about to write him off (a half hour early of course b/c it was only 12, but this is me we're talking about), he calls.

He starts with empathy. "I feel so bad about what a hard time you had last night." Good start. He reiterates this. His voice sounds sincere, it's not that crappy textbook empathy that I hate.

I tell him how I began to process the session late at night and how the rational part of me couldn't speak in regards to my pdoc suggesting I see someone else. Rather, my unconscious took over and I began to see myself as a difficult patient that no one wants to deal with. I told him that maybe he too, will send me off for a 2nd opinion.

He asked me if these feelings were occurring during the session and I admitted, yes, that they were to some extent. And also that there are some angry things that I resisted, that I had wanted to say.

Then I told him, "I know. You don't have to say anything." (Because I knew he was going to ask... well if these feelings were occurring in the session, then why the hell weren't you talking about them?)

I told him that I wrote in my journal last night right, even in between the SI. I told him how there was an absence of (emotional) feeling with the SI and how the numbness lately scares me more than anything else.

I said I didn't understand why I could talk now, especially over the phone.

Seriously, if you added up all the talking I did in yesterday's session, it would probably total up to about 6 minutes. And probably around 3 of those minutes were taken up by statements such as "I don't care" and "I don't know."

I told him that I felt okay about calling this time because things were ready to come out and this would sort of serve as a prep or a facillitation to Friday's session.

He agreed and asked me to bring in my journals. He said that we will start wherever I'm at; wherever I need to start.

Then he emphasized I really want to see you on Friday. He's been doing this a lot lately because of the suicidal ideation stuff.

I said, "Are you going to send me for a 2nd opinion?"

He assured me that he would never do that.