This is my first time here....And I'm still not sure where it belongs! I am not even sure what/if anything is wrong. I seem to be battling depression and have for a number of years....but has gotten worse since DD#2 was born last April. And here the last few months having what feels like a total panic/anxiety attack of some sort. I'm not sure were to start really. I was married for 2 yrs and had DD #1 and went through hell. After only 1 month of marriage he was drunk and we were in a big fight and he raped me. This moved calling me every name in the book and then on to hitting and tring to strangle me. Then prego came with DD #1 and things calmed. Then after having her, it started. Finally I left. Note: I never filled any charges...I felt bad and didn't want to hurt him...go figure. At any rate, we finally were divorced about 3 yrs ago. Since that time we had joint custody...because he was really great with her. Then last summer he took her...and didn't bring her back. He has money...where as I..not so much. He went to court...apparently told them I was no where to be found..when he knew were I was, and he got custody of her. Now I pay him child support and he up and moved to MI (I'm in South Texas). I haven't seen her since last Nov. And have no money for an attorney. Other than that I'm now in a really wonderful relationship now for 3yrs and have DD #2 who just turned 1 in April. But I am having a real problem with depression. It had gotten somewhat better until I had DD #2 and here we are again....With what feels like anxiety/panic attacks esp. when I am alone. I freak out to the point I feel as though my chest may explode. Nothing going on and I feel like everything is caving in. I freak out one DH and then think to myself....what am I doing....do I imagine things and make things up and freak on him. I'm not sure what is going on. And I'm afraid of talking to him about it because I don't want him to leave. I have tried talking w/ my mother just in conversation...and she just seems to blow me off....
Am I just making something out of nothing? Is this normal? If so...why is it all the sudden I feel like I'm completly loosing my mind......
Sorry so long....
txconfusion07