Thank you shezbut. I don't have any triggers per say at this time, but I am going through a rough time in my relationship and I'm having trouble knowing what to do or acting when I feel like I should. I think I identify more with your second question because I do want to get better personally (this is the reason I started seeing a T) but I'm continuing my self-destructive patterns. The weird part is that other behaviors that I don't normally have are starting to surface, as I described in the original post. I have been keeping a journal, more gratitude based, but I will try to write when I feel self-destructive. Thank you for that suggestion.

I shared the self-harm desire with my T and it seemed to help her understand my level of emotional turmoil. Like many others with depression, I tend to lack expression or detail when we talk about my current state.

Thank your for your responses as well Thunder Bow and Teddy Bear.