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Old Dec 06, 2015, 09:11 PM
tessredsky tessredsky is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2015
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 2
I am currently in a strange spot in my life. 7 years ago, I developed an eating disorder, anorexia/bulimia. I went to out patient treatment for it and ended up kicked out because I refused to become impatient after I admitted to restricting and cutting myself.
From there I continuously struggled with food and body image as an intense obsession. Once I finally started eating becoming somewhat less concerned with how thin I was, I became addicted to xanax.
My drug abuse got bad and I ended up in rehab when I was 17.
Since then I have been sober, for the most part, but find that my addiction transfers from thing to thing. Right now, my obsession is my body and tracking my food on an app.
I am a personal trainer, was a competitive powerlifter and now switching over to bodybuilding. So a lot of what I do has to do with exercise/nutrition and of course building bodies (including my own)
I just finished dieting and am the leanest I';ve ever been and am now beginning to slowly come out the diet and raise my calories weekly.
It has been pointed out to me tracking every single gram of food I eat and cnstantly calculating stuff in the app is my addiction/obsession. I am also CONSTANTLY checking my body in the mirror mainly my love handles. I take pictures of myself multiple times a day and compare to pics from a few days ago/last week/a month ago and so on and I;ll sit there and do that for a while at time. I am terrified of letting this obsession go and seeking help because I am terrified of becoming fat. This isn;'t the first time this has happened after dieting down, and obsessing over tracking my food. But when I let go of the obsession last time, the obsession shifted to food and I binged to the point of sickness daily and became the thickest I;ve ever been and I am terrified of that happening again.
But I want to make a change, I want the addiction to stop overall. I don't want it to transfer to food once I stop obsessing over the numbers and being lean. But I am so scared.

Last edited by Pierro; Dec 07, 2015 at 12:12 PM. Reason: Added trigger icon.
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