I think, you should sit down and calmly ask her about herself. Maybe you don't want her to be jobless and friendless, but where is her head at? You can't just change everything without her permission, or you'll exasperate the defiance..

I know, it sounds horrible your situation. I am sorry that this is happening to the both of you. What she needs is understanding. Any attempt to let her do as she pleases, which in fact is ignoring her problems, will make it worse. Any acting defiant Back at her, will make it worse.

Understand her.. not through the forums.. but through her.