It's been two months without self harm, and fiv months without cutting. I'm a mess right now. I've been crying for two nights now.

Calling crisis line did NOTHING except make me feel rushed and unimportant. They kept getting calls, and they kept interrupting me, and every time they heard a call, they'd give a loud sigh of frustration.

I get you guys are busy, but don't push people away.

On top of this, my boyfriend and I aren't seeing things eye to eye. I'm not moving in with him. I'm in need of a job--which I CANNOT WORK--because of my anxiety and just...I want to get help, but I have to wait till March to see a doctor, unless I go haywire. Then I'd be committed.

I don't know how to get disability. But I need it. Or something to help me.

Idk what I'm supposed to do. Whenever I feel I have it together, I find out I don't. To some, even just getting out of bed isn't good enough because I have to suck it up. And I can't. There's no point.

Now I have to forgive myself for this relapse. And gah...I'm just so done. So so so done.