Normally when I SI it is to release an enormous amount of emotional tension that has built up. The act of doing it literally feels as though I'm letting the air slowly out of a balloon. Or like when you put something in a ziplock bag and then you have to press it down to get the air out.

Lately the SI has been accompanied by numbness. I don't feel that release when I do it. Maybe it's because I have been feeling emotionally dead in general, so perhaps my reasoning for doing it has changed-- to feel physical pain rather than emotional release.... maybe in hopes that the pain will make me feel something?

No. That doesn't resonate with me. That's not it...

Either way, it's very weird. I have SI'ed quite a lot over the past week.... and I feel nothing while I'm doing it. I mean, I can physically feel the pain, it's not as if there is a dissociation or anything... I'm talking emotional. There is nothing there.

I wonder what is going on...