Hi everyone - I am having severe anxiety and depression lately.

I went completely med free a couple of months ago, although I was taking Geodon, Abilify and Lexapro for my bipolar II and my depression. But I wanted to see if I could handle things on my own, without all the meds. At the same time, I started a new job, being a store manager and as usual, had to wade thru the employees and clean up problems.

I was doing okay until recently. Now the slightest thing that comes up overwhelms me - I feel like I can't cope. I am putting in quite a few hours with one day off a week if I am lucky. I've been trying to find some "me" time so that I can relax, but it just isn't happening. My temper has also started erupting, just like it used to before the meds. I walk around constantly irritated and angry with everything and everyone, including my family, most esp. my son (which isn't normal for me at all). Today I fired two more people, which they deserved for not coming in and not calling for work, but the sheer force of my anger scared me. On the other hand, I feel completely depressed like I'm not handling things very well and that I'm not capable of doing it either. My boss seems happy with me, but I'm very bogged down by everything.

I have been in constant email touch with my T, and he's been trying to help. I've start SIing again, after a very long time of not doing so. My T asked me if I wanted to go back on my meds, and I'm very confused about that point. I can't take the Geodon anymore because the tremors were so bad that I couldn't stop shaking. That leaves the Abilify and the Lexapro.

I just feel like a shadow on the wall - no substance, no nothing.

Mary Alice