Yep......my whole married life of 33 years was like that. Interesting because I talked to my adult daughter about her father possibly having Asperger's & later on in the conversation her one word about her father was "lazy"......realize also that being on the autism spectrum (which is what they now call Aspergers), there are so many different levels of functioning. I swore that he was emotionally abusing me...but when I read about that, I realized that what he was doing wasn't intentional he was truly incapable of connecting for all those years & never learned.

You might ask your husband why he doesn't want to change.....just be blunt about it. It can't hurt any more than the problems you are already having & it might get some sort of communication going. Telling my husband to do something just got me this really stupid look like I was speaking in a foreign language. He truly had no idea what or why I was asking him to do things I was insisting were to be done in order to keep the family functioning. I was a career computer engineer also & didn't have time to mess around trying to get him to do things....I needed him to function & I physically wasn't able to do everything & hold down my career also.