Quote:
Originally Posted by caram1001
Hi everyone, hope you are all well.
I really really need some words of advice/encouragement. I know what I'm about to say is really stupid but it's really getting me down. First of all, when I got married, my husband lied to me about previous partners, said he was a virgin when he wasn't. I think it was more the lie more than anything that hurt me, because it was a little into the marriage when I found out. I'm still not over it. I am happy with him and we have an 18 month old boy, it's just this lie I'm having trouble forgetting/accepting.
Anyway, since then I've got into a silly habit of looking at the girl's facebook (she's married aswell) and I've just seen that she is about to have a baby and it's horrible of me but it's just made me feel sad again. Because of the lie, I've just developed strong feelings of dislike towards her even though I don't know her...stupid right? Maybe because I'm having a crappy time with the inlaws and have been from the start that I feel resentment and envy of her. Sometimes I think if she did stay with my husband she could have dealt with all the crap from the inlaws and had a restrictive life like I do. I don't see friends much because it's hard to do anything I want with the inlaws so I don't see anyone much. I guess I compare myself to her and she seems to have her own life which she enjoys whereas I'm just stuck here living with my inlaws and looking after my son. I think it feels like I don't want her to have anything that makes her happy. Honestly I do realise that there isn't any logic in my thinking but that is what I'm feeling. I know I also need to stop looking up her life on Facebook because it's just getting me down. Has anyone else been like this? I just wish I could find it in myself to be confident, happy and accept his lie.  I feel stupid for feeling like this, but I can't help it. |
I don't think that it's about the other girl. I think you are unhappy and you want out of this situation. You're living in a restrictive environment, you don't get to see your friends, it's completely normal to feel envious of those who are able to do what they want to do. You're an adult so you should be able to go where you want and do what you want too, so long as you're not neglecting your child. It is not good that he lied to you, but my guess is that if it were not this particular girl it would be directed at someone else on facebook who has a life more in line with the kind of life you would like to be living. Your in-laws don't have the right to tell you where you can go and who you can see, even if you are living in their house. Isolating someone from family and friends can be a sign of abuse. Think about what you would like for your life to be, and make plans on how to get there! Envying other people won't change your situation so it won't make you feel any better, but making changes so your life is more like your ideal life WILL make you feel better.
