Hello. Today I realize that I hate myself a lot. I have an extremely low self-esteem. If someone compliments me, I push it off because I think I don't deserve that compliment or there is someone else better out there. I do a lot to please others and it seems like I get nothing out of it. I mainly know that the social worker I see isn't impressed when she compliments me and I don't say "thanks" or whatever. I don't deserve people to be nice to me. That's how I feel. If someone says I did something wrong, I am going to think about it all day and say I suck and I'm a horrible person and I should have never made that mistake because it's stupid. I always think people judge me all the time and watch for every mistake I have. I will do stuff for others so they don't hate me even though I don't want to do it. I really hate myself. I want to do better, but it seems my self-hatred is preventing part of that. I'm too stressed right now. My head is not fully here. The CYW I saw today complimented me and she said my eyes just looked like it bounced the compliment back at her. One of the reasons why I can't look into eyes. People can read me. I shouldn't have emotions because if I have negative ones people will judge me and I don't want to be judged. I just want to hide in a corner. Everything is my fault in my life. That's what I think. I just want to be "normal" with no emotional problems.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg