My psychiatrist has been pushing for me to make an appointment at an eating disorder clinic (Emily Program) to get treatment for overeating and binging. I am extremely torn. An eating disorder clinic would mean that I have an actual problem and right now I'm in deep denial about that. I know that I overeat and binge but I feel like it's more a lack of control and willpower. If I tried, and when I've tried, I've done fine and lost weight. But on the other hand I know that I'm also completely out of control, especially when my other mental health problems are too hard to handle (depression and c-ptsd). I'm also blowing a ton of money on binges. They are not cheap!

I don't feel I'm bad enough to label it an eating disorder, but I also don't think I have enough control to handle this on my own.

Also, I'm embarrassed that this is an issue. Especially with my fiancé who is the opposite and hardly eats. He tries to be supportive but because he doesn't have the same problem he can't relate. And then on the opposite side there is also my selfish desire to lose weight for my wedding and I'm thinking that this clinic might help with that. But I know that's not a healthy way of looking at recovery too.

Too many conflicting emotions!