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Originally Posted by Secretum
I am a 24 year old bisexual woman, and I have a dilemma. I am more interested in women than men, but I cannot seem to attract a girlfriend. On dating sites, almost all the females I contact don't get back to me. Contrast that with 50-60% of men...and I get virtually no messages from women, but so many messages from men that I often make myself "invisible" to straight people so that the messages from men will stop.
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Unfortunately, lesbians still have the idea that a bisexual woman will cheat on them with a man or leave them for a man. Or that we are "greedy" and have to have more than one partner and can't be satisfied just by one person. I ID as queer/pansexual and when I was on OKC I got so sick of the stigma against bisexuals that I listed myself as "lesbian." I have asked many friends and exes over the years why the thought of "bisexual" meant cheater, especially given that I have only ever been with two cis guys and one trans* guy and I am 35, I have dated way more women than guys. I had several friends who had been with dozens more guys than me (one that had been with hundreds more...) say that just that stupid label meant more than number of guys dated or slept with. I call BS. I referred to myself as a lesbian for years, partially because of the stigma and partially because it kept creepy guys away. It was only about a year and a half ago that I got really vocal about how my queerness is not shaped by who I am with, I am NOT polyamorous, and femme doesn't mean straight. Sorry, this touched a nerve. I swear I have encountered more misogyny from lesbians because of my being femme than I ever have from men.
That all being said, lying is probably not the best way to attract dates/mates and if someone is so insecure they'd reject you based on a label then you probably don't want to date them, but I did find it opened to door for people to give me a chance. I was always open about my orientation once I began talking to someone.
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I copied and pasted my ok cupid profile here. Can you guys read it and tell me why it is off-putting to women? Do I come off as too ambitious? Queer women tend to not be very interested in me in real life, too...not even as friends.  It breaks my heart!
My self-summaryedit essay
Take one- half cup eccentricity, five tablespoons creativity, 12 fluid ounces discerning intelligence, a quarter pound indecisiveness, and a pinch of unpredictability. Stir in a bowl until completely mixed. Add in a stick of butter and an egg; mix some more. Pour into a 13 x 9 pan and bake at 98.6 degrees for 23 years. Congratulations. You have made a Sara.
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I think this is cute and creative. It would make me want to read the rest of the profile. The only thing that might be a red flag is indecisiveness. What are you indecisive about? Is there a way to phrase it that's more quirky that still gets the point across that you want to get across?
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What I’m doing with my lifeedit essay
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At 23, it appears that the road ahead forks into three paths. The three potential careers I could pursue are:
1). Psychiatry (med school)
2). Clinical Psychology (grad school for a PhD)
3). Novel Writing (no more formal schooling, but success is uncertain and will take time)
So, I have yet to determine exactly what I want to do with my life career-wise, but I know that I want to make a difference in people's lives on both a macro and a micro level. I want a career that will be exciting and mentally stimulating.
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I've read that too many details turn people off, you have to give them just enough to make the message and want to know more. I'd try deleting all the parts in red, maybe say "If you're interested in hearing more send me a message!"
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Regardless of whether or not it becomes my main source of income, I would love to become a published author. I write fiction, mostly lesbian romances and stories with a dystopian theme. I have two novels under construction. I am also currently working on a literary nonfiction piece, on what it is like to have bipolar disorder, though it is very slow going. I am interviewing patients and helping them to share their stories.
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This might intimidate people who are not as intelligent or accomplished but would not turn off a potential good match, I think.
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I would love to travel more, both within the US and internationally. I've been to Budapest on a missions trip a few years back, and I studied abroad in Rome. I want to explore the rest of Europe. South America also intrigues me. I am studying Italian on my own, as I hope to return to Italy one day.
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Are you really involved in a religion or church? This one would concern me, but I live in the deep deep south and there's a lot of internalized homophobia here so may not be as big a deal wherever you are. Even as someone who IDs as not straight or gay I have to admit I would occasionally reject someone bi based on how they sounded like they were really looking for a man not a woman.
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I’m really good atedit essay
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-philosophizing
-problem solving
-procrastinating!
-listening to others
-daydreaming 
-planning adventures
-creative writing
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodedit essay
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The six things I could never do withoutedit essay
1). My family and friends
2). Hope
3). Chai tea
4). Psychology and neuroscience
5). That wonderful time between turning the lights out and falling asleep, when my mind is free to explore whatever it likes
6). Red velvet cupcakes
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutedit essay
What is reality? Is it subjective or objective, absolute or relative? What makes dreams less real than waking life? Is consciousness a trait only of the human nervous system? Are animals conscious? What about inanimate objects? Maybe the entire universe is mind?
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This again might intimidate people but as above, you want a good match not someone who can't keep up with you.
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Why do some people succeed while others fail?
How do little factors build on themselves to enact large change?
On a typical Friday night I amedit essay
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
You should message me ifedit essay
You should message me if you are looking for a friend or a girlfriend, and you are intrigued by anything I said here.
I'm very non-judgmental and accepting. I am happy to get to know all kinds of people. If you message me, however, and want a reply, please say more than just "hi". Ask me some questions! Start a conversation!
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Overall I like your profile. It seems like it conveys who you are really well, I don't know you but I get a sense of who you are based on this. Unless you had a deal breaker OKC question like "gays and lesbians shouldn't be allowed to adopt' (yep someone lgbtq answered that gays and lesbians shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Gotta love the south) I'd probably send you a message. I spent about 7 years on OKC although I never really used it. I got a few messages from people that were cool, one of whom is a very good friend now, but mostly no one I'd ever consider dating. Then one day when I was fed up with how there are literally no liberal lesbians in Mississippi that weren't already a friend, an ex, or drama-prone, I unchecked "I do not want to see or be seen by straight people." and met my now-boyfriend of over a year. I really really didn't see myself ending up with a guy, (I initially ghosted him but he didn't lose hope) but I took a chance and it has been totally worth it. That's all to say that only ONE person needs to like your OKC profile, and that's the right person. Hope this helps some, good luck!!!