Wow, I'm sorry all this is happening to you.
There's a lot of things that could be going on here.
I've seen some people saying that based on your other posts he doesn't seem like the right guy for you. That may be, we really can't know. I do know that when posting about relationship problems, the other party always comes off as wrong -- of course, because that's why we're upset! It doesn't necessarily mean that they're always like that. You have to figure out for yourself if he's worth this trouble, if he gives you enough support and good things to make up for it.

That said, the first thing that comes to my mind is that he does resent that you have problems he can't understand. But understand that we all resent our partners now and again. It's just that if mental health isn't a part of the picture, we get mad about things like dirty dishes, late bills, a careless word, etc. And we still manage to blow them out of proportion. But in a healthy relationship, you recognize that it's give and take, both of you will get mad at the other for things they do and don't do, but you learn to accept it as who they are.
The problem is that mental illness is a lot harder to cope with, both for the diagnosed and their loved ones. I'm sure he does sometimes resent the things he has to deal with, just as you might resent when he leaves dirty clothes on the floor. It just feels a lot more personal to you, doesn't it? My boyfriend is the same way. I don't think he understands how his simplest words or actions can send me into a spiral of despair. And to someone who doesn't share our problems, you can imagine that it must sometimes look like we're being ridiculous, or lazy, or stubborn, or a million other things that we should be able to control, but can't.
I don't have the answers for you because I'm struggling with the same thing. I think it just takes a lot of work to find a balance. He may never understand how you feel, but he needs to understand when and how he makes it worse, and how he can be there for you instead of making you feel worse. That's something I'm working on with my boyfriend, and one thing I've come to appreciate is that even if he never brings up my problems or can't think of anything to say when I tell him about them, he does often recognize when I'm having trouble, and tries to help me without addressing the problem. He'll let me have a day off work to de-stress, or make dinner for me, or just be a little more affectionate than usual, and I've had to learn to recognize this as his way of trying to help me.
When your boyfriend says things like this to you, you should try to figure out where it's coming from. I know there's a lot of possibilities. But I try to look for the "heart" of actions I guess. As in, is he saying this to hurt you? Or is he saying it because he feels hurt? I agree that his being mad at you for not being there when he told you not to be is ridiculous. But I also know that when you're sick, especially hospitalized, a lot of things feel different. You can feel abandoned just because other people are able to go about their daily lives. It could just be this that frustrates him, and he took it out on you. Which isn't okay, and he needs to know that. But try to look at most of the things he does that upset you. Is he just completely unaware that it could upset you? Is he trying to upset you? Is he trying to get some kind of affirmation or support from you? Try to look for patterns like that. If you feel like he often says hurtful things just to vent, or consistently doesn't consider your feelings before speaking, then he's probably not the right guy for you.
One more thing that occurs to me is that it's definitely a red flag that he not only looks through your stuff, but lets you know. I think a lot of us are probably guilty of occasional spying, just for peace of mind, but we would be horrified to think the person might know we looked. If he's comfortable enough to spy on you, be offended that you're talking to other people about your problems when he doesn't seem to want to hear about them, and then throw it in your face... that seems like a control issue to me.