It sounds like you want some connection and link to support. You cite two suicide attempts, and a tenuous solitary lifestyle.

I have not attempted suicide but my solitary lifestyle has negative impact on my health, and it is my goal to change this in the new year.

Do you have a meditation center in your area? Maybe you could arrange to have some people from a meditation center visit you. There are always young people connected with these centers who love nothing better than to talk about meditation. From your posts it sounds like you have so much to give, and others could benefit from knowing you. If you were in my community I would like to meet you and visit with you.

We live in an emotionally detached society and too many people live on the fringe. When I was younger I always cared about those who were on the fringe and forgotten, or who for one reason or another ended up isolated. I met some extraordinary people by extending myself out. I used to call such people "hidden gems" -- I belonged to a Buddhist meditation center and through that and hospital volunteer work I found many opportunities to make friends with those who lived a somewhat secluded life.

We need more than annual visits to (somewhat detached) doctors to keep ourselves healthy. We live in an emotionally cold society that doesn't extend itself. I am making it a goal in the coming year to resolve some of these problems for myself. I will keep in touch with my pdoc by email to let her know how I am doing, but she has proved to be a totally ineffectual medical professional. I think it is just important to keep a connection in the event of some future emergency.

I am mostly concerned with you because of your two suicide attempts. This means you are at some risk on some level, because one has to be dealing with a hefty amount of pain to go to this length, and it is a type of pain that wants to be heard.

I care about you, Skeezyks. I am really happy you maintain a presence on Psych Central and it seems many feel as I do, that we always look forward to your posts.
Namaste, DD