SoScorpio, I TOTALLY understand. Several things, I also want a diagnosis. I want to know what the problem is so that it can be fixed. I am a very linear thinker and that is what makes sense to me. I just started therapy so that is one of the things I asked him was if he will give me an actual diagnosis so that I can check the box and know what the problem actually is. He wasn't real clear about that, he said that it could change over time, blah blah blah, so yeah, I feel your frustration.

I have recently discovered the CPTSD diagnosis and it makes complete sense to me and I have decided myself that that is what I have. Because it covers a multitude of things like depression, anxiety, attachment issues, and more.

I really identify with a lot of the things you are saying. A lot of it actually does sound like depression and anxiety. The not being able to set an appointment, I am so totally there. I know why, because if I make the appointment, if I am feeling lower than usual, I don't want to go! And because right now, things are so unpredictable, it is impossible for me to make appointments, I don't want to feel obligated to go if I don't feel like it, and these are all very strong emotions, not just procrastination, not just, bleh, I don't want to, but a visceral, I CANT. That is from the depression.

The fear/anxiety of dealing with customers and even the conversation with your roommate, that is all depression. The ruminating about it all, depression.

The conversations in your head. OMG! That is what I do. I will plan out the conversation that I have to have with someone over and over, with all the possible diversions in the conversation, the different responses, all of it. It is EXHAUSTING! For me, this comes from my childhood and the abuse, the unpredictability, I had to be prepared for just about anything when I walked in the door. Also, a touch of obsessiveness, the freezing up, all so familiar, all of this combined is CPTSD. So if you do have a history of abuse or trauma in your past, this is something you might consider reading about.

With everything going on in your head, in your home and life, it is no wonder you feel overwhelmed and exhausted and about to explode.