Hi there, im new to the forums, and i actually wanted some help on here to confirm what i been feeling and i need some answers from people who can tell me what i been feeling.
I have tried very hard and took many quizes and things, most of them identify me as having schizoid personality disorder, even though i have some doubts in this, i just want to make sure of it.
I just graduated from highschool this year, and this has been bugging me for a while now.
When im in class listening to the teacher lecture(Biology AP) my mind will drift away, day dreaming?? i dont know but like in my mind im not even in the class anymore im in another place something else is happening, then suddenly i realize im back in the classroom, and i look around, everyone does not seem to notice anything, just me, and i always look around awkwardly as though something happened, maybe its just me :S
I have some of the symptoms of SPD, but not all, and i am not a loner, as far as i can say lol, i just want to have fun most times.
I live with my mom, and my parents are divorced, and i always put my anger out towards my mom for something she has not done, i know its my fault, and i always regret doing it after i do it, and i feel really bad about it, and it just a whole nightmare to me, i dont want to blame her for anything, shes the best mom in the whole wide world, she raised me all by herself since my dad left, and i just cant thank her enough, even though i have a feeling of not wanting to get to know her better, like a mother to son relationship, how they are so close, and like a family, i just dont feel it, even though dep down i know if something happened to her, i would pour my heart out to do anything b ecause shes the person i care about most in this world, she gave me everything and shes knows me the best.
I also go to workout, and i workout by myself(one of symptoms of schizoid personality disorder again lol) i just workout like no one else exists in the world, i listen to my ipod when i workout, i dont want to talk to people and waste my time when i work out, because you wont gain much by talking, and i think about alot of things when i work out, in my mind thoughts good ones, bad ones, some of them motivate me in a way, and i am in shape, i do not get lazy, hardly, i would feel bad if i didnt exercise daily or on a regular basis.
Sometimes i think about things that people would consider weird, such as why did people want us to live this way? why are we in a society that we all obey everything the government says, it just surprises me how organized we are and that everyone lives under the law, well generally its that way. How come we have to further advance and promote ourselves to do better, why is it that we came to be what we are today, i mean there are alota alota questions i wonder about, but they are just weird in a way :S
Is there you guys can tell me what i am experiencing here? if you need more info i can tell you more....