Hi PianoGirlPlays, I can relate to struggling that way myself. However, the positive, even though you certainly are not seeing that right now is that you are becoming aware of the words and how others present them that bother you. The first part of knowing what to work on fixing is learning what is hurting or broken. Now is a good time to write these words down so you can talk about them in therapy and get to the bottom of how they hurt you or even anger or frustrate you and who these words are connected to and why that person is saying them to you.

Keep in mind that when you experience a repetitive loop in your mind or you are recognizing as you mention, that you feel like you are being shot down or are experiencing physical pain inside that means whatever is being said has hurt you deeply, more than your realized, it does mean something. Often this is due to emotional abuse that is not your fault, instead the words were being presented to you by a dysfunctional, perhaps even abusive individual.

These dysfunctional individuals tend to corner others, present themselves as being knowledgeable and tend to talk down to others and condescend. These individuals are not empathetic and if that is needed, dare you even ask, they will not reply with empathy but will instead react in ways that put you down even further as if asking for empathy is simply and excuse, that you are stupid, that you are only making excuses. These individual's idea of empathy is to talk down to another as if that other is a child, but in a way that gives the one on the recieving end no value, unworthy in someway or insignificant to engage intelligently. However, the one who is incompetent is the one who is doing the condescending and talking down to.

I know an idividual that is like this and leaves everyone feeling the same way.

So, right now these words that hit you and cause you pain need to come out, need to not only be identified, but also the individual who was saying them to you. Often there are individuals around us that are dysfuctional, we don't always recognize it that way, and it is important to place the true blame where it belongs and then plan to have as little interaction with that individual as possible.