I feel this way on & off & have for approx 2 years now, have been dx BP2 since March. Sometimes it's gone but mostly it is an intrusive questioning of the point of the world around me & intrusive thoughts of suicide. I want to isolate but after a little while my own mind drives me mad & I start to feel really really agitated.

I have been on Prozac since September & lithium since October but I have, against what would now seem all common sense, once again stopped taking my meds. I know. I don't even know why other than I was sick so couldn't take them one night then just decided I probably don't have bipolar & I'm just making a big deal out of nothing so I stopped. That was 13 days ago. This did not turn out well for me last time I did this & to be honest I almost feel like it's a form of self destruction again.

But I can't keep this conflict out of my head. Constantly questioning whether I'm actually unwell or a complete ****ing drama queen. I feel like I'm in a way testing the dx by messing with the meds but it seems the obvious thing to do sometimes?

I'm so confused. Can't make up my mind about what I want or who I am because my outlook changes so frequently. I've questioned whether I fit a BPD dx instead but I don't think I'm really that severe.