Im sorry to hear your having a rough time too.

I feel like not much happens when I go to see anyone. I either walk away feeling like I'm not sick enough & wasting their time & kidding myself, just need to get over it. Or get given another tablet to take & number to call if I'm unsafe but I don't have the ability to call anyone. I don't even know what to say to them & my bigger fear is getting myself into the system too deep & scaring my family then being ok again a week later & wondering what it was all for. This is why I question if I actually have a mild form of BPD instead & medications aren't going to help me anyway which is why they haven't done a whole lot other than blunt my emotions. But then I get to a point in my day where I'm like, you my friend are kinda unwell & kidding yourself if you think your not. But then I'm ok. Sometimes brimming with enthusiasm again the next day? I suppose I could be ultra rapid cycling. Especially as I've stopped my meds a fortnight ago which I really know is a bad idea but also seems like the obvious thing to do, the right thing to do. Test the dx. Get the right dx. But it hasn't helped me.