Nope, you're not crazy. I am trans, female-to-male, and so know something about this. Finding a good gynecologist will help, one that will take into consideration your pain and anxiety levels. I used to fear exams and was terrified of penetrative sex... so much so that I didn't actually have intercourse til just a few years ago. I think in my case, taking hormones - testosterone - helped. I don't think that will be too helpful for you, though, unless you want to transition! I did try the suggestion to get calming medication or something to numb me for pelvic exams, but that proved fruitless. There are legal ramifications trying that route, as was explained to me at the time. I don't know if you would have access to a women's health clinic that has an associated social worker who might refer you to a therapist who might be able to work on techniques to keep you centered and calm during exams. I think that was what helped me, really. I used to be so scared of the pain I'd tense up. Now, the exams are just routine, not painful at all. I was also lucky to have a partner who was very willing to be gentle. I know that's not what you want. If you think you might identify as asexual, there's a whole movement out there, too, that is supportive. There's nothing wrong with having low or no desire for sex; to each their own. I hope you'll worry less about what's wrong with you and find out what's right with you... I've seen a few of your other posts, and I think you've definitely got the smarts. Take care of yourself.