Warning: this may be a bit long, I'm unsure right now, but I'm grateful for any input.... I just need a helping hand right now.
I'm a 20 year old female, I used to attend college but dropped out due to low grades. I had never suffered from anxiety, and my first full blown anxiety attack was my freshman year of college (in oct of 2013). I went to the hospital and nobody spoke a word to me about anxiety. My life continued on, I did poorly in school that year and ended up dropping out. i was hospitalized two more times that year, and the second time I was told "have you been checked out for panic?" I hadn't put a thought into it, but I did. I sought out a conselor at my school, I lived with my uncle for a semester and came back to school. I did much better but still ultimately got kicked out for not doing well. I stayed up at school this time, got an apt. And started going to a "mental hospital" that would see me without insurance. Very well known one in my area. I had been hospitalized, and admitted for four days not too long before I first went to see my psych. I was showering, had bad anxiety, and passed out and my roommate found me. I started seeing my psych and was prescribed 0.5mg of Ativan and 10mg of celexa, soon after (about a month or two) we upped the celexa to 20mg where I have been for about a month now, and have continued on the Ativan once a day the entire time. Here's where my issue is.
I don't know what is going on with me, but it's more then panic. I feel my life literally spiraling out of control. I have court in the morning for an assault charge from months ago; I left my job, I'm not in school there's a lot. But most importantly I feel as if I'm literally going crazy and losing my mind. Reality seems so foreign for me, I feel so dissociated from the world around me; and I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, at least not most of the time but I know there is more to this then depression and panic. My panic attacks have drastically decreased but I feel so detached from reality.
My questions are I guess I want to talk to my psych about if this is a possibility, I want to work to get my life back on track. I really do, I want my friends my family my school my life back. I am desperate. When did you know you were bipolar, I guess what were your symptoms how could you describe them? what has worked for you, what hasn't? Do you feel you can live a relatively normal or more normal life on Meds than you did before? I have so many questions and not enough answers....
I thought this could've been sczhiophrenia but I don't have hallucinations, occasionally delusional but my biggest weakness is struggling with reality... Words can't describe it. Can you? What's a good way to bring this up to my psych?