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Old Dec 09, 2015, 01:31 AM
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Pastel Kitten Pastel Kitten is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 972
Quote:
Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie View Post
I know what you mean. When I was 19 I quit school and decided to become a rockstar. I covered my arms in tattoos and bought guitars. I couldn't even play. I held band auditions, and I thought I could learn guitar in a week or two. At the time I genuinely believed that I was going to be a rockstar. Now I look back and I wonder why no one in my life saw how crazy I was behaving. My family doesn't believe in mental illness, so they just let me walk around being crazy. During that same time I learned German, and spent $3,000 on a trip to Germany that I never even went on, because by the time the trip came up I was over it.

Even now I have days where I don't want to believe anything is wrong. When I get like that I just remember that time, and the few others where I was clearly unstable.
I'm so glad I've never been the one in control of finances because I'm sure I'd have done something similar! Luckily my feelings of grandiose revolved mostly around me feeling far more intelligent than most people. Apparently when my old pdoc told me I was talking really fast, my excuse was that most smart people talk fast because there is so much to say, lol. I also spent hours and hours everyday playing a competitive rhythm game because I was convinced I would be pro. I am pretty good at it, but definitely not pro. I thought I'd be amongst the top players in the whole world. One time I even played it for 13 hours straight. I think I know why I came across as very arrogant, back then!
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Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits
Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed



"Now I can see all the colors that you see."