Id say its esp painful to you because of these transference issues. It does NOT help that he cant be consistent. But maybe its easier to fight with him in the present than to deal with the old pain? Stg like that?

I wish NOW that i had accepted that i was an outsider to my own family, but i couldnt face it 30, 40 years ago, when it could have made a difference in my life. Now its easy. Nobody cares now.