BP Artist I hope you are feeling better?

I just read back a few pages. I'm not in a good place and my resiliency is shot to hell. I'm in trouble at work. Both personally and our department is being "looked at". I've been working late and taking work home but I'm being told my productivity is not up to snuff. It feels like a bad dream I can't wake from.

I'm trying to double down at work AND the job search. Very exhausting. So sorry I feel selfish when others are hurting here too. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I have been working so hard for so long and I feel very alone right now.

I hate feeling like the people I work with/for have lost faith in me. I make them tons of money and I am burning out yet it's always "what have you done for me in the last 5 minutes". No career development or support. Keep up or die.

I have been so bad at work life balance. I've been trying to be better about having a life but it's all so overwhelming. Sorry couch, one sad cat.