I always stretch myself too thin. I do what I think others want me to do, or what they directly ask me to do. If there is any indication that I have been assigned a task that is solely for me, I procrastinate or never do it.

Last night I said no to a very simple gesture (spooning to fall asleep) because in that moment I did not want it. I finally said no. Afterwards my heart beat escalated and I had trouble falling asleep. I still don't feel right. Why? Because I hurt the person offering when I said no. I think my worries are in why I did not want the gesture. I have been feeling avoided and unloved, so I am afraid that I reciprocated with passive-aggressively declining to be cuddled. I have so much trouble identifying my own emotions that I question my intentions. And this along with not wanting to hurt others makes saying no extremely frightening.