I've just found out that I punched another hole right next to my bed. That's right in front of my face, when the light is off, I don't see it but,,,awwww.... I punched the wall 'cos I heard a piano sound from upstairs, I hear it at odd hours, it is real. I'm losing appetite, barely taking care of myself.

My financial situation. It's all tied to this current job of course, I've had way too many incidents and caused some troubles and still continuing to do so. At a dollar store yesterday, I bought two items by mistakes, threw them away and went back to get the right stuff. I'm not usually this careless, also I'm looking at reduced hours at the end of the month to the next year. Sometimes I don't know what day it is and my work shift will be a bit irregular, I need to go to ATM to get some cash, I want to keep the status quo just to survive this winter but things look pretty shaky at the mo. I don't hate/like the way things are right now, I was struggling last week and maybe the week before, I was getting used to it. And this guy happened. A new guy at work, he's not that new any more, yet, he just can't follow the work procedure, after the numerous attempt to get him to do it right, I asked him why. His answer was he didn't know why he did the way he did.

It's such a little thing, I can take care of the extra unnecessary work he leaves for me, that's not what bothers me. The fact that he doesn't seem to understand a single word I say to him, no matter how I simplify my words, I also wrote down some notes for him, I have used the politest and most acceptable ways to express myself, and none of these efforts I've made haven't worked so far. I get blamed for him not doing his work, the procedure, unless he does it when he does, it won't get completed the right way. I'm only talking about ONE thing, and the message only takes few words to get across, I have no more tricks up my sleeve.

I needed to vent a little, I can't help myself blaming all this to myself, I just want this to stop, stop myself from falling further.