Well, I couldn't resist. Pinksoil, your subject line was as appropriate as the last!

T did not call me after the first message with cracked voice, that I left right after the session. I called again yesterday and said that if he hadn't left yet I really needed to talk to him. Then I left a message at his home too.

He called yesterday afternoon while I was driving to pick up my son and I said, "Oh God I really need to talk to you but I'm in the car can we talk later?" So, we made an appointment for the evening. We have fallen into a pattern of talking whle he's driving home, if I need him.

I began the conversation by telling him that I had certain needs during the session that were not met; that I had left that first message and that I was very upset since seeing him.

I said: that I was not able to talk about the things I needed to; that his "agenda" threw me for a loop; that his response to my confusion was damaging and that all I could do was cry.

He said: that clearly he blew it; that he didn't have a big agenda, but that he just wanted to leave me with something; that he was trying to help me out when it got really silent and I told him I was anxious and that maybe he should have just let me struggle through it. He said he didn't return the first phone call because I didn't say I wanted him to call so he thought I was just working something out and had wanted to tell him something (argghhh).

I said; that altlhough he had a goal for me for the year, I needed to figure out how to get through the next few weeks starting a new job, taking care of my son and keeping myself safe, so all he did was cause more anxiety; that maybe instead of letting me struggle or look at things another way, that he needed to just be with me on my path.

He said: that the session was charged, that there was a lot of anxiety surrounding the separation and that he did not respond appropriately and I was right to call him on it.

I said: it was the only way I could continue; that it was the only thing that made sense and that i could not face three weeks carrying these feelings around. I explained a few things from my childhood about me and how I process stuff, and that he has to have patience and know that I am doing what I need to. I said that because of the obvious anxiety both he and I should have proceeded cautiously and we didn't, and the results were damaging to me.

He said: I get that. I hope that this does not color your view of therapy.

I said: Of course, it does, or it did. But that doesn't mean I'm quitting. And then, I said I had to go to a meeting.

He said: I will see you three weeks from yesterday. I will be back on the Friday before Labor day, so if you need me you can call me that day.

I said, next time you want to leave me with something, give me a book.

Sigh. So much better--now suffering the wait, but better than hating him. I feel like we're partners again.