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Originally Posted by bonkeroo81
I feel kinda confused and i am now 34. I came out at 29. But i still feel a failure to my parents etc that i didn't give them what they wanted. Marriage,good job and kids etc. Instead i am just floating about from pillar to post never settling and i feel useless. I struggled to come to terms with being gay and i don't really enjoy sex with women or men. I am single my longest relationship was a year and i just like my freedom too much yet i crave company at times.
I wish i was more clear in what i want but i am muddled up. Can anyone identify with these feelings?  |
I totally identify with the parents thing. I came out when I was 14, which did not go over well with anyone. I lived with my girlfriend from 18-20 and then when we broke up I met a guy that I did end up loving very much. I married him knowing that we wanted really different things - he wanted kids and the picket fence and all that and I didn't - but on some level I really thought I should just give my parents what they wanted. While I did love my ex-husband I doubt I would have married him had I not felt on some level that my parents would be happier if I was "normal." I was so miserable up until the wedding, we were fighting all the time, and we split 13 months after we married. After that, I think my mom realized that she just wanted me to be happy, whatever the context.
I think ultimately what all parents want is for their kids to be happy. It scares them when their kids are different from how they are, but that doesn't doom you to an unhappy life. I have seen lots of parents come around to their adult children who are LGBTQ. As far as the rest of it goes, just date people casually. That way you have your freedom but still companionship. Figure out what you need to do to feel like you aren't floating about anymore.
