hey there,
i totally could have written that when i was 20 and most of it is still true for me today. im no longer a virgin but thats because i freaked at being 20 and being a virgin and made a lot of dangerous and stupid decisions. i was lucky in the way things turned out but thats really not the way to go.
i have never had a real romantic relationship because i get exactly the same way as you do when i meet a girl im attracted to. ive managed to sleep with girls before because i dont feel so intimidated (to use your word) being with girls im actually not that attracted to and because i use alcohol a lot to get up the courage. i feel like a freak too for not being able to actually get into anything resembling an actual relationship though. the way i deal with it now (and im almost 27. ugh) is that i have made a decision for myself that im not looking for a relationship though i will be as open to one as i can if it comes along. instead of worrying about it and beating myself up over it and letting it destroy my self esteem even more ive decided that im taking this time single to work on myself, including to figure out why i get so intimidated and why the relationship thing hasnt happened for me yet.
my 'excuse' to friends and acquaintances who wonder why i havent ever been in a relationship is that im focusing on my career, i dont want to be tied down in a relationship because life is too short for that right now while im figuring out who i am and what i want in my life beyond relationships. im working with my T on getting to know myself better and healing some old stuff that i think will have the effect of making it easier for me to get into a relationship eventually. though of course that might go quicker if i could let my T know that.
anyway, did i get off track? i just wanted you to know first that i totally understand, second that losing your virginity is probably not the most important thing and that feeling so much pressure to lose it can lead to bad decisions which is a whole lot of bad news and third to give you an 'excuse' if you want one.
try looking at what exactly intimidates you. is it your lack of experience? in which case maybe try getting the relationship part down first so that you re with someone you trust enough to not hold your inexperience against you. or is it the relationship part of it thats intimidating? the intimacy? in which case just look at being single as where you need to be right now so you can figure that part out for yourself.
i really wish you the best of luck. your post touched me.
take care
biiv