I don't know how old you are, but you might also consider seeing your gynecologist, unless you're absolutely convinced it's psychological.

Maybe it's not that she didn't want to explore emotional reasons, just that she didn't want to risk crossing a boundary around a potentially sensitive subject. I mean, if a T fails to initiate a deeper discussion on a topic like this, you're potentially irritated, sure--but if a T does initiate more discussion, accidentally gets too graphic, or asks a question you find very intrusive, you could potentially be VERY upset. I know my T treads carefully about sensitive topics, though part of that might be the gender difference. I don't think a book or a trip to the store is a terrible idea. Good luck!

Not sure if t can help with this as it could be physical problem? Did it just start?

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Just a side-note---I'm not qualified to give medical advice (obviously) but if it were me I would try reading up on solo pleasure and consider trying a toy or visual aide before I went to the doctor. Unless this is something that just started, usually the problem is just inexperience/anxiety.

Im not sure that even a sex therapist or a sex surrogate would discuss how they themselves do it. I think this falls under boundaries. My t told me what he made for a dinner party one time and i found a way to criticize it - some evilness in me just had to make a joke that if he had invited me, i wouldnt be able to crap for a week with all the cream cheese on the menu. That was my mother talking, but still. Your t doesnt need your parent in their head - they have their own to deal with. That might not be THE reason but dam girl, get you some reading material!

I agree with Argonautomobile that she probably didn't want to risk crossing a boundary or risk sounding intrusive on that topic.

I was supposed to talk about sex this week with my therapist (had written about my intentions in an email) and I didn't. At the end of the session my therapist asked me why and I told her she should have asked questions to prompt me. To which she replied she didn't want to sound intrusive.

Sometimes therapists think they have to be super careful, especially about such a sensitive topic.

I think sexual pleasure/numbness can wax and wane with stress and life. Right now, you have had a lot of stress and grief and stuff around your husband's passing. I would give it some time before thinking it was a problem. I think the therapist you see may be steering clear because of the erotic-ness of your fantasy about her from time to time and she is not comfortable with it.