Hello! How’re you doing today? Good, I hope.

I’ve been dwelling on something that I’m very unsure about. I remember I used to know someone on the internet who was like a mother to me. She had plenty of issues and problems that I always listened to, I tried to support her the best I could. She and I had been through a lot of heartbreak and terrible things, but we always helped each other through it. One day, she was being a lot more distant than usual and she said that she was having a problem. Naturally, I said that I’ll help her in any way that I can and she just responded with; “No, I’d rather handle this on my own.” So, I gave her space.

A month passes. I text her, asking if she’s alright. She didn’t answer. I asked her friends about how she was and they said that she changed her number and moved to a new Skype account. I was so confused. Why would she do that? People were after her before and she changed her information, so I thought maybe that happened again. I kept asking around, and one of her closest friends told me that she just wants to be away from everyone for awhile. I accepted that and waited.

Two more months pass. I ask around again about her, and they kept saying that she misses me dearly. That she really wants to talk to me, but she just can’t. So I kept waiting. I started to wonder if maybe it was something that I did. Maybe she just didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

Another month passes and I was finally able to talk to her again through a friend and I was so happy. I was grinning and laughing like an idiot, only to realize that she wasn’t laughing back. We were in a Skype call and her friend was there with us. She only talked to her friend, and I just sat there awkwardly. She kept ignoring me. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she responded coldly to me. I didn’t understand what was going on. I was so confused. She said that she didn’t trust me. Even though I was always there to support her, she didn’t trust me. I asked that maybe I could have her new contact information so we could possibly sort things out and be friends again. She declined harshly and soon left the call after that. That was the last time I had spoken to her.

It’s been three months after that call, and I had gotten an update on her. I didn’t ask this time, I stopped asking. It was just given to me. Her friend said that they were pushed out of her friend-group, just like me. They said that she was paranoid of them, too. This was when I realized that she truly didn't want to be friends with me anymore. She was pushing people away and distancing herself. We both talked about it and couldn’t tell if she was just making up excuses for not talking to us and not wanting to hang out with us anymore, or if she was genuinely that paranoid. We tried multiple times to reach her, but nothing. I’m still very confused. I don’t get what happened. Did she just want me out of her life and she couldn’t tell me? I know she has Bipolar Disorder. But I never thought she would push me away. Her and I were best friends. We spoke all the time and supported each other all the time. Yet this happened.

It makes me think about what could happen with the other important people in my life. Is it really that easy to just toss someone aside, even though you’re best friends? Of course, I’m frustrated. I’m so angry. Yet I’m so worried and sad for her. She doesn’t want to sort things out. So I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should finally just let this drop and move on.

Thank you for reading.