My therapists suck, they are all I have to afford. I have been always in a world where people are surprised when I say no to them. I tell them to **** off, because people think they owe themselves to walk over me or others. I just feel the need for once I need any connection like anything I don't care what it is. I don't have it. Like I'm so sick of hearing, my boyfriend I love him he don't love me back stories or how perfect he is or hey dude look at my hot gf.

You know when people constantly rub **** your face like every day for the past 2 years you start to believer you aren't worth something. Like the lack of evidence it has gotten better. The fact, I've done everything at this point. I am not successful. It's where I'm at, and I can't connect with people. I'm in the wrong world and time I don't even know if that's true either, but my point is. I'm very bad at connecting. I need help, my therapists can't do that.

Many days I've contemplated doing very harmful things to null this emotional pain I deal with.

I'm sick of hearing this option or that like I have an option. I can't tell you how I can or can't do that, because it's not there. I don't know. It's been like this. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck here, and I hate it that's all.

Whether dating friends family whatever. I feel useless.