Hi tx, I tried to reply yesterday but had reached my 5 member new posting limit (which sucks!).

If you read your posting through imagining it is from someone else, I would imagine you can see you are not making something out of nothing. You were raped and abused by your ex-husband, and now he has your child by lying to the courts.

I'm not a professional, but the way I see it you've somehow survived this far, but it's affecting you now in the form of depression and panic attacks. You need help to deal with what has happened to you and with not seeing your first child. Your relationship now sounds good, but perhaps you're worried that what happened previously could happen all over again?

Family members aren't always the best people to talk to. They can't always hear how serious things are or don't know how to help, and from my experience we can't always tell them how serious things are. Then getting blown off makes you feel like what you're suffering is not important. This stopped me from getting the help I needed for a long time.

Like the others said, please get help - see your doctor, find a therapist.

Take care and let us know how it goes,
Debbie