hi everybody
i havent been around for quite awhile. i hope everybody is doing well. i think this should probably be in a post but i hate posting threads. but i need to write it. i have a journal type book i created that everybody can write in. everybody has their own section and then there is a section for group meetings. my t loves it and wants me to use it all the time. i hardly ever use it. i avoid working with my others as much as possible. we did emdr to discover why i am so ambivalent about it and i have been physically ill ever since, over two months now. the great fear is not being able to handle what i, we discover and losing my mind, ending up in the mental hospital which was a threat used against me. in our work i believed it was me that did not want to do this work, but in thinking about writng this morning, the resistance was so strong, that i am wondering if it isnt somebody else. i really dont know how to figure this out. i am feeling like i am wasting my t;s time by not working hard enough. i want to get better but there is so much avoidance. i can sense her frustration at times. i just dont know how to go there when i run away so much.