I posted about this as a reply in the survivors forum, but I'm starting to wonder if it's more appropriate here.

Sometimes I have these thoughts - daydreams, almost, I can't call them nightmares because I can control them - about bad things happening to me. They're mostly to do with guns (which makes me think it might be to do with PTSD), but the earliest one I can remember was about me falling on broken glass when I was in primary school...I can't remember how old I was exactly.

I hate it, and it scares me sometimes, but I do it anyway...I don't know why I don't just stop. What worries me most, though, is that all of them involve me being the centre of attention in some way - maybe that means I want these things to happen, so people will notice me? That makes me sound like a terrible person, but I really don't know why I think about things like these.