Well, I experimented with herbals and while they uplift my general *mood* they do nothing for the intrusive thoughts. Neither does drinking to forget. I get even more philosophising and dwelling on the dark.

So not sure anything that is prescribed by doctor would be different. And would I really want it? "Oh, there's refugees getting drowned in the sea on their run for freedom, but I am on seroquel now, so I don't care?" or "There's war in Ukraine, but Prozac made me not think of that". Yeah, that sounds more scary (and makes me wonder if all the population is drugged up apathetic, because lately I been canvassing high and low for donations and most people are "meh, not my problem". Which then irritates my feeling of hopelessness and make me wonder if I could make it in a civil war and simmilar scary thoughts).

Maybe I just been born into place too geopolitically crazy and too inteligent, so I realize it (having MA in International relations does not help either).

I just need to focus on now, I guess and just face the future when it comes, instead of thinking too much. Problem is, it's hard to do.