Hi X123, if you don’t mind, may I ask what is your diagnosis? Maybe I can give a better opinion if I know what your diagnosis is. But in general, I think every breakdown makes us feel worse (and yes, me too). We got overwhelmed by it and making our self as good as we are before the breakdown is a really tough job. As far as I can see from your story, I can tell that you can handle your bad thoughts quite well. By this I mean, even though you have a negative thoughts you still can use your logic, proven by your ability to dismiss them (even if they keep coming back after you dismiss them). You don’t believe them just like that. I adore that you always think outside the box, because in my opinion, it resembles creativity, and when you are creative, you can find many ways to help yourself. Weird ideas bother me as well anytime I get depressed and don’t have enough sleep. I am sorry if I can’t help much, I hope you feel better soon.