You are not a wuss. These people who appear like they're coping - are you sure? I would have difficulty handling the things you're going through, and I think the majority of people would be the same. I don't have children, but I do appreciate how much you must miss DD#1, and how screamingly unfair it all is.

Near where I live there is a community mental health centre which takes fees according to what you can pay. Do you have anything like that around?