I'm a 20 years old girl living in Hong Kong. May I share my experience since 2007?
Thanks very much. I'm grateful to your kindness.
------

To enhance your understanding of this question, let me briefly introduce the education system here.

Secondary education in Hong Kong is separated into junior and senior years. Senior secondary is equivalent to grade 10 to 12.

One academic year refers to months within September this year to July next year.
We have a summer holiday from July to August each year.

Everyone needs to attend a public exam called "DSE" after graduation from secondary school, which determines if you can get into university.

My childhood is normal relatively. I have a twin sister. I born earlier than her for 12 minutes. We have premature birth.

I think everyone's family has problems and if my family really has problems, mine are still not severe.

1. 2007

In September 2007 aged 11, I entered secondary school to start my secondary one school life. I began believing every classmate wanted to hurt or bully me intentionally.

I felt one of my classmates sexually harassed me so I yell and cried madly at everyone, "Every of you saw it! Otherwise why didn't you laugh ???" Soon I reported that to my class teacher.

I felt the PE teacher wanted to look into female changing room.

My home's view is a basketball court. One day at home I looked out of the window. I saw a group of teenagers. Somehow I thought those teens were my classmates so I took out my cell phone to record a video of them. I gave my mum to watch but she ignore me.

Because of the above feelings I fixed every teacher and classmate with an angry stare.

One time I thought my classmate DID take my pen and I became mad again.

I became emotionally unstable, busy at crying and laughing and singing at class. With rapid mood change I've done things silly and crazy.

I didn’t bath for days and went back school to scare everyone deliberately.

For example one day we were all on school bus and I suddenly felt everyone wanted to harm me, so I shed tears and held window curtain tightly. People laughed at me.

After those initial days everyone in my class hated me so much and I became really isolated and bullied by my classmates. I was not rebellious at all, at least I got relatively good academic grades.

1. 2008

In September 2008, I got promoted to secondary two. We had five classes since secondary one. Mine was class 2B. My classmates weren't those in secondary 1.

Somehow I realized how many bad things I've done. I became very very very guilty and regretful for everything I've done year ago.

I pray to god I deserve punishment. In this world everyone's pain and burden should be passed onto me.



I scold and blame myself for everything. I HATE MYSELF.

At school my classmates hated me even though I've done nothing that year.

Meanwhile I got mad at home, I always threw objects such as tissue towards the television and yell at the actors in drama.

Ridiculously my dear mum was using computer next to the television but she didn't even notice it.

Started from that year, one classmate (A) in different class was deeply unlucky.

I had only three times of conversation with him in S.1.

But one day during S.2, I somehow had a insane thought growing in my mind. We just had eye contact once and I suddenly felt he was in love with me.

Since that I collected my so-called evidences:

I had an xanga account. I got an anonymous IP address visiting my site everyday. I deeply believed it was him.

His class and mine had PE lesson together. One day they were having a physical test and those boys loudly cheered. I thought they were cheering for the romance relationship between him and me.

No one bullied me in S.2, I thought it was him protecting me but he didn't want me to know. I thought I had a superior position because of our relationship. No one dare to bully me because of him.

At science lesson, one classmate told a joke about A and me. After that I heard people in other class once saying "Does A really like (me)?" something like that...

I was hated by everyone of my class. The more I was hated and the more I hated myself, the more I was drown into my romance day dreaming. A and me were having many plots of being together and torn apart in my inner fantasy world...

Do you think I'm narcissistic? Actually I thought I was very ugly and very fat in S.2. I HATED MY SELF VERY MUCH. Now when I look back I can't understand my logic. How come I believed so deeply about A loved me?

1. 2009

In September 2009 I got promoted to secondary three class. Those classmates were the same as those in S.2.

My classmates hated me as much as they could, even though I've done nothing in S.2.

Some people played tricks and laughed at me for no reasons.

I was drown into my romance day dreaming much more.

Once after lunch I was working on my assignment at classroom. There was only me inside classroom. A came to my classroom to find another classmate B. Here's their conversation I could hear:
A: What is she doing?
B: Her? She's doing homework...

One day all S3 students were participating in a talk. I was day dreaming and didn't pay attention. The speaker invited someone to engage in activity. At first I was not aware of it. However everyone started cheering, and again I felt they were cheering about the relationship of A and me. I deeply believed this thought.

I've always been good at day dreaming since I was small. Of course I know every kid does.

1. 2010

In April 2010, I was blocked by A at MSN. I couldn't believe it was real. Impossible... Then I lost my mind. I started sensing something wasn't really there outside home. Once I stepped out from home I couldn't function. They disturbed me severely for five years since 2010 to 2015, so I was so afraid of going out. I need to clarify I am not schizophrenic without any insight.

However when I went back school I shouted out "He likes me I like him Everyone knows he likes me, someone said that and someone said what...", while actually someone told me no one said such things, which made me being bullied (verbally) by almost everyone for five years, till yesterday, and I graduated from that school in 2013.

A got a girlfriend in 2010 and she wrote this status in Facebook , "Girlfriend delusional disorder. How scary it is :S" (I've tried my best to translate it into English...)

Although I've done nothing to A, but only the above one impulsive action, based on that action everyone liked bullying me for five years till yesterday. However, you know... I think I deserve being bullied... and actually I really deserve it.

1. 2011-2013

From 2011 to 2013 I finished my S4 to S6 school life. It's so complicated to explain in detail. Simply I would say that I was bullied verbally by almost everyone. They called me bad name, bullied me both inside and outside school. It's funny I can't escape from them even I travel on public transportation.

Apart from being bullied, within 2010 to 2015, outside home persistently and non-stop I sense things such as unformed voices and strength weren't really there, saw colors becoming strange, people' faces were changing...... (Sorry I don't know how I can describe my feelings)

My academic grades declined a lot. I couldn't focus at lessons. Many strange feelings disturbed me.

Started from 2011 I cried more than before, sometimes for no apparent reasons.

In 2011 I told part of my feelings to my family and they brought me to receive counselling service. However my mum was sitting there with me so I lied to the counsellor. And it only lasted for few times, finally ended without any effectiveness.

One interesting point is the counsellor asked me to draw some shapes. Then she explained to me those shapes represent each of my family member. A shape with more angles means this person hurts me harder. All shapes drawn by me got several angles, but I didn't understand why. She didn't further discuss about this and me neither.

From 2012 I've got adequate reasons to cry. Around the beginning of 2012, some people accused me for "staring at the girlfriend for few seconds", so everyone bullied me verbally for much more times and much more severely.
Facing different stress and distress I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed from the beginning of 2012. I cried and cried at morning assemblies, lessons, at nights.

Of course I won't let anyone know. Now I have many scars all over my body. Even clothes worn in summer can cover my scars well.

I put every food I saw into my mouth. I went to fast food shops and convenient stores to eat and eat, such as bowls of instant noodles and French fries and cup noodles and packages of potato chips. Over-eating caused me to gain weight for 20 kg when I graduated in March 2013.

After the public exam in 2013, I couldn't take it anymore so I wanted to consult a psychiatrist secretly. Nevertheless this secret was confided to my mum by a social worker. I cried for hours since that moment to dinner to got on public transportation till back home.

Because of some reasons my family took me to consult a private-practiced psychiatrist instead of those in a specific public hospital. However my mum sit inside consultation room so I just spoke for two sentences, and I received a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder with for types of anti-depressants prescribed, including deanxit, apo-amitryptyline, paroxetine and stablon.

I didn't tell my family about anything during my secondary school life. They know nothing about what I'm thinking of. All teenagers have secrets, don't we?

Those anti depressants calm my mood. However it didn't help with my strange sensations. Under the psychiatrist's authorization I quit those med since October 2014.

1. 2014

Started from December 2014, my mood condition worsen and worsen. I cried harder every night. I cried on the way to university, cried at lectures...

My sensation became stranger: When I walked on street I felt a human being was walking with me by my left side. I felt my former classmates were out there everywhere. When I saw specific clothes I felt this guy was one specific teacher... etc This condition made me wanna die.

Ridiculously I wore a cap hat since 2011 to 2015, but my family just told me not to always lower my head down. They didn't understand why I didn't wanna get out from home...

1. 2015

I couldn't take it anymore and I told my family. I consulted another private practiced psychiatrist in April 2015. She told me I got early psychosis, defined as early stage of severe psychosis used in Hong Kong. I tried abilify, then fluptneixol and finally amisulpride 250 mg.

Anti psychotic medication is horrible. I can still enjoy using computer with anti depressants. Anti psychotics block my motives and mood to do anything. I even didn't want to turn on my computer. I have a group of online friends known from 2006. They're my most important interpersonal relationship.
I didn't feel that tired but I slept for whole day, within May to July. I was always woken up by my mum many times a day. Why didn't she understand I didn't want to do anything?

Meanwhile I received psychotherapy (Her style is psychodynamic). It seems at the beginning she already knows I will quit therapy suddenly. I really quit therapy when I don't have strange sensation anymore without her consent.

I quit my med in July or August without my psychiatrist's authorization. I don't have any strange sensation anymore since July or August.

I didn't self harm during this summer holiday. However . It seems to be because I make one of my important online friends keep away from me. I text him every night at Facebook in August. However even if he talks to me again from November,

I don't know why I am so strange and with a strange personality. I became crazy since 2007. I can't forgive myself for everything since 2007. I ruin everything. I HATE MYSELF. When I self harm I never think of my family, whether will they be very sad or surprised or anything else.

A volunteer on an online chat room tells me, she thinks I've always been creating problems to myself. I under-eating, over-eating,

In April, my psychiatrist said my strange thoughts and feelings remained for 8 years since 2007, so she recommended me to engage in a brain MRI test in April. After having the test, she interpreted my brain had no physical or organic problems, with no change in grey matter or white matter.

Finally, both my psychotherapist and two psychiatrists never know about my self harm behavior. My psychotherapist tells me I hate myself most, much more than other people hate me.