Quote:
Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl
That's it. I dont want to continue or go to therapy anymore. This past week has been one of the worst and today I've completely lost it. I have bad anxiety and I started therapy a year ago and it helped and I can manage it more now. I'm still an anxious person who has very high expectations and failure is the end of the world for me. I'm in exams now and finished 2/4 which went REALLY well. I have 2 more next week, one of which im okay with. I have 1 that is really hard and im doing horrible in the class with a probability of failing the course (not just me, about 60% of the class is in the same situation if not worse). Anyways, today I just sat in my room with my books opened and cried. I cried for HOURS, and I am NOT the type who cries. It's like when I stopped, I had to start again. Then I just realized that I study SO MUCH (95% of the time im home studying or doing homework) that im getting exhausted and Im feeling sorry for myself. Then all of this just turned into RAGE like never before that I stopped studying for the day and just sat in my room and felt sad/angry. I thought about the amount of time I study and never leave the house, the fact that my anxiety prevents me from so MANY fun things in life (im only 20) and I miss out on.. Then I thought like I'm so pathetic for going to therapy because I can't do anything on my own and i feel STUPID for telling my therapist things that should be kept private only because my T always says its good to talk about it. I dont know what is going on with my right now but I'm so fed up with therapy in general that if this next exam doesnt go well im just going to cancel my appointment next week.
I dont know what answers I expect from here but anything or any input would work.
Sorry for the long read though.
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(((((Anxiousgirl)))))
It sounds as though you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure to succeed. I know what all that exam and studying pressure is like. Can you take a break for maybe half a day and go and do something you enjoy? It doesn't have to be anything spectacular. Just something you love doing - or spend some time with a friend.
Then when you get back to the studying just do your best. Give yourself regular breaks, eat properly, get enough sleep and fresh air. Make room in your study timetable for these important things.
Regarding the therapy, why not give it a break for a few weeks? If you're having therapy for anxiety I'm just thinking that cbt might be better? It's short term - or is supposed to be - and is often very effective for helping deal with negative thoughts, panic, anxiety.
As for your T telling you that you should be doing fun things at your age - well, it's easy to get overwhelmed with studying for exams. I don't think her words were terribly helpful! What I hear is someone making getting through exams a priority at the moment and there is nothing wrong with that.
Take care of yourself and wishing you well with the exams.