Are these perceived behaviours that make you a horrible person overt, or hidden in the recesses of your mind? If the former, you obviously still have traits that draw people to you, irl and here. If the latter, you have strength of character and mind to not let these thoughts affect your daily life. Admitting a problem, either way, shows maturity and personal growth. Horrible people are incapable of this.

I do not understand why you cannot access treatment for another year. Early intervention tends to bring the most positive, quickest results, leaving issues to fester amplifies them. Is it because you are a student? If so, please try to not make that a barrier. Be honest, get an appointment with your GP. Depression is a serious Mental Health Condition, I have struggled with it since childhood due to a Personality Disorder and circumstance. Do not aim to spend the next 45 years on ADs as I have, be open - get well.

Dave.