I see. I have heard cases of abuse before memory...but those are so rare, what are the odds, really?

Also, in my own case (which I wouldn't expect you to know, I'm just a person on the internet), who could possibly have perpetrated it? I have very little family. If it continued on, surely I would remembered something. It simply doesn't make sense. Plus, wouldn't I have more symptoms?

Anxiety about sex is the only symptom I have. I wasn't particularly sexual as a child (I did discover masturbation around age 5; though I didn't realize what it was until I was almost a teenager. It was just a thing I did in private that felt good. I even failed to make the connection when I got the talk around age 8-9 - and I never quite fully outgrew the initial "Ew" feeling from when I first learned, lol). I've always had a secretive personality, always been withdrawn especially around other kids; according to my mom the first time my parents tried to leave me with a babysitter I freaked out and they ended up staying home. But that's all normal little-kid stuff.

Also, this is probably oversharing but who cares: I don't even seem to have the adult sexual symptoms of early abuse. The entire point of this thread is trying to fix the anxiety and fear I associate with sexual activity; yet in looking around and even some past thread on other sites I've read, prolonged childhood sexual abuse often causes the opposite reactions: being very sexual, sexually submissive (I suspect I would be though and that terrifies me; it's basically carte-blanc to be hurt) or into unusual or kinky sex practices (which scare the ***** out of me). Supposedly children who have been sexually abused are unusually sexual; I wasn't. I'm not even for my age, or so it seems.

I'm sorry I'm giving you a hard time. I just find it hard to believe that something incredibly traumatic happened and I have no memory or symptoms beyond abnormal(?) anxiety about sex and a few other minor things.