My suggestion is that you talk to a therapist about this issue and find out more about your feelings, and then let the therapist help you decide how to tell your wife about it, possibly even have your wife go to a therapy session with you so that the therapist can help to explain it.

It is not entirely a bad thing for her - you don't want to leave her, you don't need someone else to fulfill a need for another kind of sexual relationship, and you never lied to her about who you are. You are just recognizing some feelings now that are difficult, but not that have to interfere with your relationship with your wife or the structure of your family. You are and have always been a husband to her and a friend. Being friends is part of the role of a spouse, and having a strong feminine side can help you to understand her in a way that maybe nobody else could, and that can be a very good thing. Let her be a friend to you too. Having a spouse who is depressed, and handling their depressive crises is very difficult. Don't ask your wife to be your therapist - those two roles don't go together, but spouses support each other through the hard times. I'm sure that you have been there for her when she has needed you? Let her be there for you too.

I think when I can relate situations to my own experience it makes it easier to understand, so I'll tell you what this makes me think of in my own life. I have chronic depression and have been in therapy many times. My husband gets down, but sometimes he gets almost manic at times too - he could be a bit cyclothymic, although he lacks a formal diagnosis. I can handle listening to him and talking to him about his problems up to a point, but I can easily be pushed over my limit. I don't mind supporting him sometimes, but it will get to me if he goes on and on about it for too long (even professional therapists have their limits - they get to send you home after your hour is up) or if when I need to talk about something he just turns it around and makes it all about him. So, try to remember and be sensitive to her limits, and give her a turn too. Recognize and acknowlege her needs as well as yours, and I think you should be okay. Just by asking these questions you have shown that you are sensitive to her feelings. You are to be commended for that.

<font color=green>Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that, you, too, can become great. -Mark Twain</font color=green>